Investing in the Lives of the Sheep

On July 2, 2013, in Personal, by july

It’s been a little over three months now.  The day I accepted a leadership role for the flock.  These past three months is literally littered with stress.  I don’t have much time to relax.  In a week, Perhaps I can escape with an hour or two of gaming… and that’s just about it.  Most of my weeknights are packed.  Even weekends.  Preparing lessons, meeting people, planning, doing all sort of stuff for the flock.  I don’t have much free time at all.  I can’t even remember when was the last time I really sat down and had a good time unwinding.

In 22 weekdays a month, 4-5 will be spent for DGroup meetings and another 5-8 for message preparation.  I would spend one day per member each month to meet with them to catch up and shepherd them one on one.  One night for Toastmasters, and the rest scattered for rest, time for family, and studies.  Saturdays are reserved for Sengkang DGroup, meet up with friends, and rest while Sundays are for church and house chores.  Time for destress are subtly inserted in small portions.

I am also finding less and less time for sleep and things are beginning to have negative effect on my body.  I feel weaker than usual and find it harder and harder to get out of bed at 6:20AM.  Yet it’s a good thing though that (1) I am halfway in my goal to my target weight and (2) I haven’t really gotten sick in the midst.

Things are extremely busy these days, though, to be fair, while things appear to be more stressful than it used to be, things are at least a lot lot more stable.  The worst has passed… and now, we are in a new chapter.  I think that the holes in the ship has already been plugged.  The ship is sailing again… and boy is it sailing gracefully.  We are still far from best. Perhaps, in a scale of 1-10, we are at 4 or 5.  Two months ago, we were at 1.  Why are we so far from 10? Because 10 is when we are able to build a flock of Christlike people.  We still have a long way to go… and yes, 4-5 is a very good number for a flock that’s on the verge of a diaspora.

Those dark days of old… the months of April and May have been crazy.  I am in the midst of giving up.  A thin line between demise and endurance.  Yet I chose to trust God, and He failed me not.  I promised to many that I will do everything within my power to provide nutrition to the flock… and I think the nourishment has been amazing thus far.  Perhaps, as one of the sheep has said to me, the food served in this chapter has never been as nutritious and delicious.

The LORD has been gracious to us.  From a bunch of hungry folks, the nutrition is now giving the flock renewed vigor.  I hope that the LORD would not let this go unnoticed.  Of course, I do this because of many things.  Primarily, because I love the flock.  Secondarily, because I love the LORD, and thirdly, but almost entirely unaware, the reward that’s waiting up there.

It’s quite funny though that the primary reason for me giving my all is because of my love for the sheep rather than for the LORD.  To reverse the order is to tell a lie.  Yet I wonder why the level of motivation is positioned as such.  Of course I love the LORD more than them but the motivation for doing this has been reversed.  Perhaps, things just happen the way it is.

May the LORD keep me healthy and full of wisdom to lead the flock.  I am really really really stressed for the past few months.  The LORD knows… I’m giving my 100% to them.  I hope the stress can be significantly reduced soon… I am really really tired.

But just to close, I am not complaining.  Writing is often a means for me to drop my stress levels… and this is one of them.  I am happy with how things are going.  A testament of good, productive work… by the grace of God.

I have a vague knowledge that this would happen if I ever lead a DGroup.  That’s why for almost two years I resisted the idea of taking over.  I want to serve in the ministry through apologetics and research.  While I know that God has gifted me the things I need to shepherd the flock, it really does eat away a huge amount of time and energy.  I have lead groups before and I know how crazy it is.  Anyway… I feel a bit less stressed now after writing this.

Phew!

All glory goes to God.  None of which I deserve.

 

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