Not About Me

On March 29, 2014, in Insights, Personal, by july

Whenever I am given the chance to facilitate a discussion, I always try my best to put my best foot forward.  I don’t always make long preparations, but I know that when I make preparations, I do my best to draw out the best inventory of knowledge that I have in order to share to the group.

It’s almost a year since the day I contemplated between patching the holes or jumping off the boat to safety.  The choice was clear not long after I first pondered this.  Jumping off is not an option.  Therefore, should the ship sink, I will sink with it, patching as much holes as I can before it does.  So goes the saying that the captain does indeed go down with the ship. Or at least, the last to leave.

There areas where I want to lead and areas where I prefer to give others the role of a captain.  This is not what I want.  I know that I can do it well.  I know that I have the right skillset for the job.  But I don’t want to do it because I’d rather mentor somebody else to do it.  I’d rather make disciples who will make disciples (if I may add, quickly)… while at the same time, I would devote myself largely on the study of Apologetics.

I was wrong.

I realized quite too late that serving the LORD is not about what I want.  It’s about what HE wants.  To do God’s will is to be obedient regardless of how much one wants to do otherwise.  The more I sail this course, the more evident it becomes that this is where the LORD wants me to be.

My stay in Singapore has not been a barren one.  In fact, prior to making this life decision to leave my own country for a foreign land, the LORD has impressed on me a clear command.

I consider myself blessed that God would speak to me in dreams.  This is nothing to be envied about.  Rather, I find quite embarassed by it.  More so humbled.  Do I have too stubborn a mind that if I would’ve been presented with the Gospel outright, I would reject it immediately? Humbled, I am, because if God forgoes the dreams He showed me from 2007 to 2010, I probably wouldn’t have served Him the I do now.

This is the verse God has impressed on me at the last dream I had with a clear revelation:

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. – 2 Corinthians 2:14

This verse has become the key component of my role here, of course, our small group as well.  The knowledge of God has to be fragrant.  It has to smell fresh… and it has to spread.  The knowledge of God is winsome.  It’s attractive.  People love it… and all we need to do, is to share this knowledge to them.

There are times when I would to things for my own glory.  I regret those times.  The obviously misinformed adage that says “live life with no regrets” is total nonsense.  For in the absence of regret, one fails to learn the greater lessons of life.  It is impossible to live life without regrets UNLESS the person has a heart too callous to realize that at least at some point in his life, he had done some things that he could’ve done better otherwise.

There are times when I would do things for people to praise me.  I was wrong.  A few months ago, God has impressed this on my heart as I was walking to work.   “It is not about you.  It’s about me.”

Again and again those words rang into my mind.  That was a Friday and I was preparing for a Bible Study.  It only dawned on me after the study.  I often evaluate myself after every study to see if I did good or not.  That day, I failed to reach my standards… and I was disappointed.  That long train ride going home was an eye opener.  Yes, it’s not about me.  Whenever I lead a Bible Study, I have to remind myself that I am doing it not for myself.  Not for my own glory.  No.  It is all for God and His people.  Personal glory should be subservient to seeking His Glory and the Benefit of His people.

I truly hope that I can always bear this in mind in everything that I do.  To seek His Glory first.

This is all about God.


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